Book Review: "Lonely: A Memoir"

Lonely: A Memoir by Emily White (Harper, 2010), hardback, 352 pages

As a single young person who moved to a new city, I'm often asked if I'm lonely.  After all, my immediate family lives elsewhere, my closest friends live elsewhere, my classmates and professional colleagues live elsewhere.  The truth is that I'm not terribly lonely, partially because this is the third time I've moved to a new place where I didn't know anyone and partially because I quickly made friends in my new home.

However, there have been times in my life when I've been lonely, and I've known people who have been lonely.  Through the years, I may have known more lonely people than I've realized at the time; after all, it's not something most people freely share, which is a testament to the social stigma that is associated with loneliness.  After all, conventional wisdom suggests that if someone is lonely, they should make some friends and all will be well.

Emily White, in her memoir, Lonely, deliberately and firmly demonstrates that such conventional wisdom is wrong.  Looking through her own life, which has included significant periods of loneliness, and drawing upon recent scientific studies and the personal experiences others shared with her, White attempts to demystify loneliness.  In particular, she carefully draws upon recent research to show the distinctions between loneliness and depression.

On the whole, the book offers many insights into the forms of loneliness and possible avenues out of the deepest types of loneliness.  With sometimes painful honesty, White describes how her loneliness, which dates back to her adolescence, undermined her professional career and her friendships as an adult.  Sometimes these reminiscences are accompanied by subtle humor, as when she describes advertised "singles" activities in which she took part, with rather frustrating results.

The other components of the book are a bit of a mixed bag.  The scientific research, which is mostly presented in the words of the researchers that White has contacted in interviews or correspondence, is enlightening, but sometimes feels a little drawn out and boring.  The experiences of others, taken from comments they posted on White's blog where she began seeking out others who also were afflicted with loneliness, sometimes enrich the book's description of the various manifestations of loneliness, but also distract from the more complete exploration of loneliness in White's life.

Still, this is a noble effort to provide understanding of loneliness in modern life, both for those who suffer from loneliness and for those seeking to appreciate the challenges of loneliness better.  Despite occasional dry patches of scientific description, the book is an engaging read, held together by White's compelling candor about her own journey.